The Guilfordian

Issue date: 11/21/08 Section: Sports

Desperate times call for desperate measures. When hard-charging Guilford lock sophomore Will Dawson plowed through the alumni, All Grads scrum-half Taylor Treversa threw up a less-than-respectable punch in defense.

While childish whining from the current squad persisted concerning the number of players the alumni fielded, the old boys were set on displaying some aggressive and technical rugby.

From the onset, the Huberite All Grads pressured the try-line, taking the fight straight to their puberty-stricken opponents. Within five minutes, a merciful three points were quickly posted and the alumni declared victory.

The end.

After the end, 75 more minutes of rugby were played at the generous donation of the alums' time. The outcome of the after-scrimmage is still disputed and highly controversial. Occasional knock-ons and a multitude of forward passes were used to convince senile and reckless official George Huber that tries could possibly be awarded.

While alumni wingers Harry Lorello '08 and Chris Lampkin '08 scoped the attending crowd for possible tries of their own, opportunistic children fielded the ball and fell on it luckily to add more strokes to the legally bewildered Huber's scrawled tally.

Between what could only be considered power naps, alum flanker Tyler Cope '08 and prop Hrothgeezy Lane '08 made sure considerable and appropriate amounts of pain were delivered on time. All Grads hooker Ben Snyder '06 impressed the girls throughout with his callous disregard for the cadence of scrums, and his unflappable work rate.

"I couldn't stop staring at him during the set pieces," remarked junior hooker Kevin Smithey. "His handsome locks were distracting and worsened my play."

After the interval, the alums were fairly and righteously granted the proper amount of players (briefly) before the college side continued with their immature pleas.

"Sir, they have 16 men on the field and my diaper needs changing," remarked junior fullback Maxwell "Bodeon" George, "also I thought this was a prom-dress game and am therefore unsuitably dressed."

At minute 55, All Grads captain and Guilford coach Dan Hayden broke into his briskest jog of the game to graciously grant David McKindley-Ward safe passage into the adults-only zone. Minutes later, the alums' outside center denied 4 defenders to post 5 points in the undergrads' try zone.

Continued...

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