Speak up when you see domestic violence
Onka Dekker
Issue date: 12/4/09 Section: Forum
All the media fuss about singers Rihanna and Chris Brown has made me think about an answer to domestic violence in all its gory forms - including child abuse and elder abuse.
In case you missed that cultural moment, someone leaked police pictures of a battered Rihanna after Chris Brown slammed her face into the dashboard of his car.
Although the incident took place last February, media coverage hasn't stopped. The L.A. Times printed Rihanna's name in violation of its own practice of not naming abuse victims, and in spite of the police department's refusal to identify her.
Once Rihanna was outed as the woman on the receiving end of domestic violence, people lined up to blame her for getting punched. Talk Radio and Fox News have made blaming the victim a cultural pastime that lets abusive men justify their aggression.
We need a counter trend. More of us need to recognize abuse and intervene. What if when Chris Brown was screaming at Rihanna in that parking lot, someone in the next car had noticed, knocked on the car window and asked for their autographs?
Who would do that when they could just drive off pretending not to notice? People who intervene know abuse when they see it, and they say something to stop it.
Modern life calls for an elevator pitch, an up-to-date resume, and a way to intervene when you turn the corner in the grocery store and find a raging woman shaking her terrified child.
We're less likely to find someone physically abusing an older person in public than a child. But, you might gradually notice that an older neighbor seems neglected or fearful. Talk to that person and their caretaker. If you think it is a bad situation, report it. Local government agencies are set up to deal with elder abuse.
The most common domestic violence is by men against women. Abusers count on the rest of us to be timid. And often, we are so shocked or bewildered by what we see that we don't say or do anything.
In case you missed that cultural moment, someone leaked police pictures of a battered Rihanna after Chris Brown slammed her face into the dashboard of his car.
Although the incident took place last February, media coverage hasn't stopped. The L.A. Times printed Rihanna's name in violation of its own practice of not naming abuse victims, and in spite of the police department's refusal to identify her.
Once Rihanna was outed as the woman on the receiving end of domestic violence, people lined up to blame her for getting punched. Talk Radio and Fox News have made blaming the victim a cultural pastime that lets abusive men justify their aggression.
We need a counter trend. More of us need to recognize abuse and intervene. What if when Chris Brown was screaming at Rihanna in that parking lot, someone in the next car had noticed, knocked on the car window and asked for their autographs?
Who would do that when they could just drive off pretending not to notice? People who intervene know abuse when they see it, and they say something to stop it.
Modern life calls for an elevator pitch, an up-to-date resume, and a way to intervene when you turn the corner in the grocery store and find a raging woman shaking her terrified child.
We're less likely to find someone physically abusing an older person in public than a child. But, you might gradually notice that an older neighbor seems neglected or fearful. Talk to that person and their caretaker. If you think it is a bad situation, report it. Local government agencies are set up to deal with elder abuse.
The most common domestic violence is by men against women. Abusers count on the rest of us to be timid. And often, we are so shocked or bewildered by what we see that we don't say or do anything.
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